Lately, I seem to spill water almost every other day as I'm trying to carry too many things and a toddler. Have you ever noticed how when you spill water from a glass, even the smallest amount makes a big mess? Then, when you look back at the glass, it appears as if very little water has been spilled. It's strange such a small amount can be so destructive.
I've realized this is what is it like when I devote too much energy to negativity or to people or things that do not serve me. In the scope of my day, I hardly notice if I spend a few minutes here or there chastising myself for some part of my appearance; reflecting over and over again on mistakes from the past or thinking about an unkind thing that someone once said to me. However, the reality is even though these instances seem to take up a little of my thoughts, I am actually giving away quite a bit. I am pulling energy and resources from positive things in our lives.
I am taxing my system and possibly releasing the stress hormonal, cortisol. This is likely sending my body into fight or flight mode which shuts down many necessary systems, such as: digestion. So, when I beat myself up, there is a good chance I'm delaying my body from processing food and taking in nutrients.
If you feel like you are only giving a few drops of yourself to something or someone negative, it’s worth reflection. We don't keep a tally in our minds of all the times we think of thing good, bad, old or new, but wouldn't it be interesting if we did? What you think you would learn about the daily focus of your thoughts? It is on things that are healthy for your mind, body and soul, or are you hard on yourself by choosing to focus on mistakes?
I can certainly relate to the later, and it's something I've battled for most of my life. I'm slowly getting better at steering my mind towards the positive and shutting the door on faux helpful behaviors, like perfectionism. The best thing you can do for yourself is work on an internal switch to shift your thoughts from the good to bad.
I don't always catch myself, but when I do, my simple litmus test is: "Is this helping or hurting?" It's basic but is makes it so easy to sort through and group things.
You are wonderful and worthy of so many joys and good experiences. You may be spilling the water of yourself each day by allowing negativity to knock over and soak up your energies. If you are, it's okay. Don't beat yourself up but know you can also change. Start slow, believe in the power of your mind and know each day you get the chance to fill your cup.