This is by far the hardest blog post I've ever written, but it also something that is helping me to heal. Thursday, March 28, was a fairly warm and sunny day. I went to a workout class in the morning, and I was feeling good and filled with endorphins. After I returned home for a bit, I headed out to an appointment by myself, our baby was home with my mom. It felt good to drive in the sunshine and listen to some of my favorite music.
I stopped at red light near our home. When it turned to a green arrow, I went into the intersection to turn left. As soon I got into the intersection, I heard this sound like a freight train coming towards me. I looked out of the driver's side window, and I saw a white truck racing towards me. It all happened in a split second, and I don't remember slamming on my brakes. The truck hit my car going about 55-60 mph. I don't remember all of the accident happening, I remember the part right before I was hit, the sound and feeling of being hit, and then I remember my car facing a totally different direction when it stopped.
The other driver ran a red light. It was almost like an out of body experience right after the accident. I was in shock. I remember looking down and thinking,, oh yeah, I have a body and wondering if I was okay. I was so fortunate as I did not break anything, and I was not bleeding.
I took an ambulance to the ER, and I was checked out. I only had some soreness and PTSD. It was the scariest car accident I've ever been in, but on that day and to this day, I feel so DAMN LUCKY. It could have been so much worse. My baby could have been with me. Later, I learned that since I slammed on my brakes, the driver hit the front left corner of my car, rather then the driver's side door. There is damage to the front left side of the car, damage to the engine, and my car is totaled. But, what happened to the car is not a huge thing, compared to what could have happened.
I knew that I could mentally go either way with this accident. I could think: why me, poor me? Why did this happened? But, I've made an active choice to just focus on the good things. I AM OKAY. I could have been seriously injured or worse. My baby could have been in the car. It's easy and scary to imagine all the possible scenarios. Focusing on how fortunate I was, has helped me to work on getting through this.
Right before the accident, I had listened to the book The Four Agreements as well as the book, Girl, Wash Your Face. They helped me to see that the accident wasn't the sum total of my life, and it wouldn't define me. It was part of my story, not the whole story.
Gratitude has been the best medicine. Racing inside when I got home from the hospital to the hold my baby girl was one of the best feelings. Daily, I've made myself reflect on all of the blessings in my life.
It wasn't easy to get back into the car again, but I did it four days after the accident. It wasn't as bad as I thought, and driving is getting better. and easier for me. I am still a cautious driver, and I will be that way for a while. This accident was a reminder to be a defensive driver. I couldn't control the actions of this other driver, but I can control how I look at things and my perspective. This was a wake up call to be even more careful and to not take lightly, how blessed I was to walk away from this crash
If you are going through something, remember to show yourself kindness and grace. We can't control what happens to us, but we can control what we do after it happens and how we look at life. This is takes daily work, and it's not easy. If you slip and have a rough day, it's okay. You are human. Tomorrow is a beautiful, clean slate to try again.