Broken is the new better
For as long as I can remember, I've packed more than I have needed for trips. Part of the reason that this happens is because of my large collection of makeup, toiletries and beauty products, but there is also this feeling that I need to double the amount of all my clothes. Am I the only person that thinks something along the lines of: what if it rains, snows and I spill guacamole on my clothes, all in the same day? Recently, I've realized that I also carry a lot of unnecessary feelings and emotions around with me each day. It's gotten to the point that I don't know how to be me without self-doubt, anxiety, and perfectionism. They have become a part of me, and I take them everywhere I go.
The problem is that they get in the way of good things and experiences. They hold me back from trying new things and believing in myself enough to take chances. Slowly, I am fighting against them by realizing the positive steps I've taken in different circumstances. When I start to beat myself about not having my pre-baby body back, I think about the fact that I do have a wonderful baby. I also think about what I've done this week in relation to my healthy goals.
I like to flip my thoughts on their head and think: what has gone right? Or, what real evidence exists that X bad thing is going to happen, or Y thing is wrong with me.
I also must work hard to not pin my self-worth on activities or things I need to do. I feel good when I get a big project done or make healthy choices, but I have to keep myself in check to remember I am not defined by a salad or squats. I like the mindset of remembering we are more harsh with ourselves than we would ever be with a friend or loved one. Would you say the things you say to yourself to a good friend? I know that I wouldn't be that critical, and it's time for me to stop doing that to myself.
As my husband frequently says, "We are all broken." But, I know broken is how the light gets in. We grow from failures, and we bond with others by sharing our reality. As a new mom, I've found so much comfort from talking to moms with children of all ages and hearing how they went through similar things. As humans, we are very comforted to know "it's not just me." We are all doing the best we can, and we need to congratulate ourselves for that. The next time you find yourself swimming upstream, and your mind tries to make it harder by suggesting that you swim backwards using only one arm, remember that you are enough. You are getting up every day, and you are giving what you have to world. You are promoting the positive and caring for others. Together, we can share our brokenness and help each other mend.