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The biggest lie I tell myself

The biggest lie I tell myself is, it's okay to extremely self-critical. By being hard on myself, I'm only helping myself improve, right? Every time I say I'm failing as a mom, or I am critical of my body, I'm just helping myself do better. How will I know about these flaws if I don't play them on loop in my head? It's as if I don't believe that I can observe the circumstances and situations in my life and surmise when things go well and when they don't. I have this irrational feeling that if I don't frequently point out my failings to myself, then I will repeat them. As if, I won't know when something goes wrong, so I feel I must highlight it in bright yellow and ruminate on it for a while.


This is by far the hardest blog post I've ever written, but it also something that is helping me to heal. Thursday, March 28, was a fairly warm and sunny day. I went to a workout class in the morning, and I was feeling good and filled with endorphins. After I returned home for a bit, I headed out to an appointment by myself, our baby was home with my mom. It felt good to drive in the sunshine and listen to some of my favorite music. I stopped at red light near our home. When it turned to a green arrow, I went into the intersection to turn left. As soon I got into the intersection, I heard this sound like a freight train coming towards me. I looked out of the driver's side window, and I saw

Clutter of the mind

Mail, documents, magazines, papers, kid stuff, clothes, and sunglasses make up the clutter in our home. It's so easy to create clutter. We tell ourselves, I'll just rest these things here for a little while, or I'm not sure where to put the non-urgent mail, that we need to keep. It only occurs to me how many little piles of clutter we have, when I'm trying to clean. It's things like: some bills on the kitchen table, baby stuff on the dining room table, and a flashlight and a sweater on the chair in the loft. Sometimes the small piles of clutter can be more overwhelming to me than a big cleaning task, like vacuuming the whole house. This happens, because I don't know what to do with the clutt

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